Q & A Table of Contents
My New Boss Is Impossible
From: Trisha in Washington, DC
Question: I have a very new manager, and when he speaks to me, he gives me orders. When I try and negotiate my position with him, he gets angry and yells. He is in a position where he has four new sales people working for him, and has a very much "dictator" style. I am learning to ask LOTS of questions, but other than "play to" the power trip he is on, what are my hopes of negotiating with him? What is your best advice for dealing with him? I also think he is easily threatened by managers that facilitate (I've been told not to talk to them), so I'm very much at a loss as to how to get this into a "win-win". HELP!! PLEASE!!
Response: It sounds as if you have taken the crucial first step by asking him LOTS of questions. That is a wise initial response. However, the situation you describe requires that you take some additional steps as well.
When he yells perhaps you should talk more quietly -- forcing him to listen harder for your reaction.
It is easy to dismiss his flawed character with the diagnosis that he is on a power trip, that he is a control freak or a dictator. However, those descriptions are not diagnostic, but merely descriptive. You need to find out what the root causes of those symptoms are.
Think of a series of questions that are likely to yield a better understanding of what underlies his attitude and behavior. What is he afraid of? Who is he afraid of? If he has told you not to talk with certain people, why is that? What can they do to him? Can they undermine his own sense of importance, his capacity to push people around? What can you find out about his behavior in prior positions? With the information you discover, perhaps you can find ways to disarm some of his uglier habits or attitudes. You may be able to anticipate things that will mollify him without making you feel defeated.
In addition to your own personal thoughts about him, talk to others to see what they have concluded. Find out whether they have found successful ways to approach him -- or respond to him. Is there a discernible pattern? You might also want to figure out how best to limit your interaction with him. Can you communicate by memorandum, email, or other non-face-to-face means? Among other things, using memos or emails can leave a 'paper trail' -- if he responds using the same medium.
Does he have a superior with whom you can communicate? Would it make sense for you to change positions to get out of his turf?
Yet another approach is to leave for work every morning asking yourself, "How badly will my manager behave today?" Maybe you should mark him on a range from one to ten -- and if he behaves well that's great, but if he behaves badly, then he's living 'down' to your expectations.
It is crucial not to take such bad behavior personally. How he behaves is a reflection on him, not you. When he's being troublesome, congratulate yourself on how much more civilized you are. You deserve those congratulations.
I hope this gives you some food for thought and action. Good luck.
Steve
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