Q & A Table of Contents
Dealing With the Person Who Beat You Out for a Promotion
From: Management Consultant, United Kingdom
Question: What approach should I take when dealing with my manager? The problem is that we were part of the same team and both applied for the supervisors post, and after the usual interviews he was selected. I now find he wants to change everything and throws out actions like confetti. I appreciate that this is the norm for a new manager who wants to consolidate his role by demonstrating to his manager his competence and by showing his staff that he is assertive.
However I am finding it difficult to manage upwards due, among other things, to the aggression I am feeling from my new manager. Normally I pride myself that I can keep the balance between my manager's objectives, my customers' and my own objectives.
Do you have any advice on how this situation is best handled? Should I flow with the tide and accept change or try and moderate some of these changes with some practical common sense.
I find that it is one of the most difficult negotiations that I have been involved in and would welcome your view.
Response: Your situation sounds challenging, and the way you summarise your choices is very clear. I infer from your introduction to the situation that your new manager is aware that the two of you were competing for the same job -- and that he 'won'. Clearly this puts you in a tough spot.
Going with the flow and waiting for the smoke to clear is not wrong, but I do not think it is wise.
Communication between your manager and yourself has to establish the new relationship in a way that responds to your interests. Meeting with him privately, perhaps outside of work over a friendly drink, might offer an opportunity for you to save both your and his face while establishing necessary limits.
He needs to know that you congratulate him for his promotion, that BT was lucky to have several highly qualified candidates, and that the choice of him is a real feather in his cap. You might go on to say that you hope that next time, you get the nod and that you want to do an excellent job under his leadership in order to add to your own value and simultaneously demonstrate to the powers above that their choice of him is a good one.
Without necessarily using the words, you may wish to offer to be his confidant, his sounding board as he establishes his position in his new role. He can depend on your unbiased responses to his proposals, you will always be honest with him, realizing that even if your own judgment of his proposed course of action is not entirely in agreement, you will give 110% to help him realise his stated goals.
By the same token, you need to be cautious not to appear to be kissing up. This is a situation of two former peers who, having been equals, must continue dealing with each other with mutual respect for each to succeed in the new relationship.
Most important, you should listen. After your congratulations, you should ask about his goals, his short- and long-term strategy, how he sees you and others contributing to the direction he wants to take. You might prepare for this with an interest map. But listen. Remember your mouth can get you in far more trouble than your ears.
What you learn from him now may aid your future relationship with him as well as your future prospects within the organisation.
It is no great joy to lose a competition of any sort. But it is even worse to be ignored and not allowed to compete in the first place.
Good luck and good negotiating, Steve.
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