Q & A Table of Contents
My Relatives Moved In, And Now They Won't Move Out
From: Bill from Sausalito, California
Question: How can Is ask my relatives who are living with me right now to move out of my house without hurting their feelings?
The reason I need them to move out soon because my kids are growing up now and we need more space for our own family. Right now we have 11 people living in my house and it's been more than 3 months since I told them that I need my rooms back and they need to look for another place soon.
They keep saying that they are looking for a place, but it does not appear to me that they really are doing so. When they found a place with the affordable rent then they said the place is not quite good and they said they would rather pay more to find a better place (in fact the place that they found was good with its price and it was a lot better than other places we had seen in this market.) But when there is one that is advertised with a bit higher rent, then they said it's too high. Every weekend when there is new listing on the paper, they don't take a serious look at what's available. They don't make the effort to call and find out about new places.
Overall, it seems to me that they don't like to move, and they don't seem to actively seek for the new place. They want to get something in good condition, good area, low rent, but this seems a bit unrealistic especially in this housing market in the Bay Area, California. With what they want, I don't know when they will find a place to move. At the mean time, I feel very frustrated because there is a lot of things we need to work on in our house and we have to hold off until they move out. What can I do to make them act quickly?
Response: It sounds as if you have already exhausted the classic negotiation alternatives. Negotiation requires pursuing your own interests.
If you care about the relationship more than possession of your house, then you have to accept the idea that you've got permanent guests. If they care about the relationship, they must learn and understand your interest in having your home to your own family. Let them know you are losing face to appear to be a 'patsy' of whom they can take advantage.
If they refuse to move after you give them a clear indication of how important it is to you, perhaps you might behave in a more drastic fashion:
- Give them a deadline; "If you are still living here after July 1st, you will have to pay (very high) rent to my family." Or: "If you are still living here after July 1st I will have to take serious steps to get you to leave."
- If the deadline passes, explain that your immediate family needs the whole house. Then move all their possessions into one room and install locks for all the other rooms in the house -- perhaps even including the kitchen and bathroom(s). Tell them that if they are not gone by August 1st, you will move their possessions out of the house into one of those places that people rent to store extra goods.
- When you indicate there is a deadline, you have to be prepared to undertake the actions you have threatened -- otherwise you will lose credibility.
This is skirting the edge of civilized behavior. You need to think very hard about whether you are prepared to take such a 'tough guy' approach.
Good luck,
Steve
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