Q & A Table of Contents
My Wife Wants To Divorce Me -- From My Inheritance
From: Matt, Long Island, New York
Question: My wife and I are going through a divorce. We have been married for five years. She, having a Masters degree makes $51,000 and I make approximately $35,000 per year. I do however, have an inheritance which she sees as a big target. This money is supposedly untouchable because it is not marital assets, yet, it is the target that she and her attorney are focused on. What is the best way for each of us, with our attorneys to break this deadlock where she wants my inheritance money, and I honestly feel that there are no legitimate marital assets to split. She wants $75,000 and I want to give her zero. Is this a case of flinching? She has nothing to lose and everything to gain no matter what.
Response: The law of your State has a decisive influence on what assets can be considered in a divorce settlement. If your inheritance has always been treated as a separate asset to which only you have had access and which has only been used for your benefit (for example you have not used inherited assets for a down-payment on a house for you and your wife), the legal issue of whose asset it is should be easy to define.
To me the question is: what is the basis of your wife's claim on your assets? Will you be responsible for alimony and/or child support? Has your wife, with the larger earned income, contributed more than you to the day-to-day expenses of your household? Has your wife saved any money from her earned income that she would have spent if you were not contributing to the 'household accounts'?
This may indeed be a case of flinching -- or a game of 'chicken'. From an objective standpoint, can you imagine any justifications for your wife's claim to a share of your inheritance? Is $75,000 a significant portion of the inheritance or does it 'simply' equal the annual income taxes paid on the inheritance? This is a question of perspective. How much is it worth to you to get finished with the relationship? If you have no children, what is it worth to you to get on with your life with no overhanging burdens?
If your lawyer and other perhaps more objective observers feel you have no legal or moral obligation to part with any of the inheritance, are there any justifications that might convince you to the contrary? If the worst thing that can happen is that your wife and her lawyer threaten to drag out the process, will your additional legal fees and other costs approach $75,000? Remember that unless she has free legal services, extending the length of the process costs her the same way it costs you.
The money may have to do with a question of fairness -- in either direction. If that is the case, you should choose to take the fairest route. If it is simply a question of using the money to express vindictiveness on the part of either spouse, then fairness is not the issue and sheer cost/benefit calculations should guide your decision-making. Remember, as F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, "Living well is the best revenge."
Good luck,
Steve
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