Q & A Table of Contents
My Job Is Unrewarding, But My Husband Won't Let Me Change
From: Fleur, India
Question: I am working since 1997 with a photocopier multi-national company and am looking for an easier option as the hours are way beyond those stipulated. My net take home salary is approximately 10,000rupees per month.
My husband is against the idea of my leaving this firm as jobs these days are hard to come by. I need help in convincing him to explore other options and please advise if it is a good idea after all.
Response: The first question you have to decide is whether to negotiate with your company or your husband. Does your company have a regular quarterly or
annual review process? Is there a human resources department with which you can talk? Does this possibility seem less daunting than negotiating with your husband?
If you have reason to conclude that negotiating with the company is not likely to yield positive results, then you do indeed need to reach agreement within the family.
I would suggest that you use your network of friends, colleagues, schoolmates, etc. to help you get a clearer sense of the job market. You need to determine whether you are better off staying in the same field or perhaps that changing professions would offer more opportunities.
Once you have a clearer idea of the likelihood of finding a more appealing job, you will have a better sense of how to respond to your husband's concern about the tight job market.
When you talk with your husband, you need to ask him a lot of questions that do not require 'yes' or 'no' answers: "How would you feel if I made more money?" "How would you feel if I worked better hours (and could devote more time to our relationship, our family, etc.)?" You might also want to find out whether it might enhance your husband's image to have a wife who demonstrates her talents by getting a better job.
Just giving up may be a simple solution -- but it may well lead to bad psychological consequences for you. Your top interest is your own well-being, and your husband certainly has more to gain from having a happy wife than one who comes home from work dispirited, frustrated, or bored.
Don't view the discussions at home as 'standing up' to your husband. He is your partner and has an interest in your combined income, your personal psychological state, his status as someone whose wife is a professional success. If you say "Those so-and-so's at work treat me without respect, they pay me less than I deserve." then you can add, "If you had this situation and complete freedom vis-a-vis the job market, what would you do?"
An alternative is to say to your husband, "We have a problem: my job is unsatisfactory and it is making me grumpy. How can we act as partners to solve this?"
I wish you good luck. Please let me know how it works out.
Steve
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