Q & A Table of Contents
He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not
From: Ana, Mumbai, India
Question: My husband is very stubborn. He drinks also a lot, he feels
the solution to stress is drinking. We have only been married 6 months
but every day we quarrel. I have made him realize so many times that I
love him a lot and I would find it difficult to live without him but
now I think he is taking advantage of my weakness and doing all kinds
of things purposely that I don't like. I I'm really stressed and
finding no way to resolve things with him. If I'm say, asking him
anything, he won't utter anything but keeps quiet. If I' stop talking
to him he gets annoyed. Whenever I'm angry he becomes angry that I'm
angry. I can not understand whether he loves me or not. I feel his this
attitude will lead to our break-up, please advise.
Response: TNSC is not in the business of marital counseling; we are not
qualified to respond to issues peculiar to your marriage. However, we
can suggest some negotiation tools you may want to use to improve the
communication between you and your husband and for other negotiation
as well.
It is crucial to figure out what interests each party and other
stakeholders have in the situation. When you take a look at what you
want, you have to figure out why you want that particular objective.
For example, do you want your husband to communicate with you so you
can work out specific issues or because you have a need for him to
make it clear that he is paying attention to you? Those are two
different interests, but each may be important to you.
You should try to figure out all of your personal objectives and then
do your best to understand the interests that underlie those
objectives. After you have thought about those things, it should help
you determine the best way to approach your attempts to improve the
situation. However, before you go forward, you should do the same kind
of analysis regarding your husband and other people who may have a
stake in the outcome of your ultimate conversations. What are the
objectives these stakeholders would consider a good outcome? And what
are the interests that drive those decisions?
Looking at interests, the underlying drivers of ones decision-making,
can help you find routes to take in the effort to bring about a good
resolution.
It is also important to make sure you look at the long-term. Dont let
short-term thinking drive your immediate decisions; think about the
long-term interests that will be best for you and your husband and
whoever else has a stake in the relationship.
Good luck,
Steve
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