Q & A Table of Contents
My Son Hired Me But Treats Me Like A Dummy
From: Kathie, Easthampton, New York
Question: I have been in the bar business for 20 years working my way up from bartender to General Manager for the past 8 years. In those 8 years I was very successful at making my former boss quite a wealthy man. In turn he also paid me a very large salary for my skills.
Recently my son bought a bar and my job now is to manage the place . My salary is now 1/3 of what it was. I might add that the liquor license is also in my name.
Since I have been there ,which is only 2 weeks now, my relationship with my son has turned into a nightmare. He doesn't respect my ideas on anything, is undermining me in front of the other employees and basically treating me like he's doing me a favor having me there. He openly contradicts me and makes me feel like I don't know what I'm doing.
My son is successful in running another business (not a bar). When I got involved in his new bar, his promise to me was to let me run this bar with a pay increase as profits rise , which already it has done.
I need to know how to deal with him as I'm very unhappy and am ready to walk out . He is not allowing me to do what I know how to do best.
Response: You need to take a look at the elements of your BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement) before you decide what to do.
- Do you have a written agreement with him? If there is a written agreement, then there is language which governs the employment -- and ownership -- relationship. It will tell each of you what your obligations are.
- You indicate the liquor license for the bar is in your name. Is there any paperwork which gives your son 'real' ownership of the license? For example, does he have a mortgage on the license which indicates you have to repay him or that he can take the license from you for any particular reason?
- Would your former employer take you back if you were to quit working in your son's bar?
- Do you own the license because there is a reason your son could not have a license in his name?
You also need to ask yourself why you made the change. Were you unemployed? Would you have difficulty getting a similar job someplace else? Was it your intention to do your son a favor?
What would happen to your son's bar if you left? Who could he find to run it? Would you still control the license and be entitled to income from the business?
Once you've looked at all of these issues, you have to face the toughest one of all: how do you whatever happens next to have an impact on your relationship with your son? What is your most important interest in this situation (relationship, income, status, respect from your son and/or other employees of the bar, etc.)?
After you've looked at these questions and come up with answers that tell you what options are open to you, then you should be ready to initiate a conversation with your son to bring about whatever changes you decide to pursue. Look at all the interests and the relative balance of power between you and your son. Once you've determined your priorities, if you have done a good job of preparation, the negotiation process should be aimed at achieving those priority interests. If you are well-prepared, your negotiation should yield a better result.
Good luck,
Steve
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