Q & A Table of Contents
She Smells But No One Will Tell Her
From: Kit, Calgary, Canada
Question: One of our co-workers here has a bad B.O. (body odor) problem. It would be easy if our HR department would handle it, but SHE IS our HR Department. No one seems to know how to handle this or what to say, so that her feelings are not hurt. I don't believe it's an uncontrollable B.O. problem...as her hygiene leaves a little to be desired. Can you help?
Response: It is always risky to call someone's attention to a personal quality or habit of theirs that others find offensive. There are a number of steps to take:
The most straightforward is to engage her in a private conversation, preferably away from work in a well-ventilated area. Tell her that she may not be aware of it, but when she is around you -- or 'people' -- notice a smell that may indicate strong body odor or perhaps clothes that need drycleaning. You have to keep in mind the possibility that there is an organic problem over which she has no control that makes her smell, so you have to ask whether there is a problem before saying: "You smell bad! Why don't you take a shower every morning?"
Telling someone the truth, particularly diplomatically, is actually a way of showing respect: "If I didn't think you are a mature, sensible person, I don't know how I would deal with this subject. But since I do respect you, I feel confident that what I'm about to say won't be taken the wrong way."
If you cannot see using this option, rather than launching into a full-blown attack, you need to ask a question: "People have said that when you have left a room, they is a lingering odor (or scent). Is there a health issue that causes that to happen?" An open-ended question doesn't demand a specific response, but does raise the issue.
Another approach is to deal with ventilation relatively conspicuously when she enters a space -- even to the point of opening windows (if your building allows that) during the winter. If open windows are not possible, turning up the ventilation system or turning on a fan that keeps her downwind from you may be a not-so-subtle hint. If she says "I'm getting cold," you can explain that there's a smell in the room that needs to be dissipated.
If this strategy is a problem, perhaps you can find a 'tame' customer or supplier -- or other outsider who has reason to do business with your HR person. You can find out from the outsider whether they have ever noticed the B.O. and whether they are willing to be quoted as having told you, "I wonder what's up with your HR person. Whenever I meet her I always notice an unpleasant odor. Is it just me or have you noticed it too?"
Yet another possibility is to have an office party 'starring' a person who sells cosmetics. Get someone whose 'spiel' includes doing a makeover on one or more people. Give the salesperson a 'heads up' to pay special attention to the HR person as well as discussing personal hygiene habits with everyone in the room so no one appears to be singled-out. Someone selling a new line of soaps, shampoos, perfumes, etc. may be an excellent outsider to bring the news to the person who needs to change her ways.
Honesty is certainly the best policy; it is a sign of respect and even a demonstration that "we're on the same team; let's get on the same page."
It is hard dealing with such personal issues. However, unless you get past the offensiveness the B.O. causes, it will always make the HR person less effective doing her job because the smell will continue to overhang all other activities in which she is involved.
I don't feel comfortable wishing you "Have fun with this problem," but I do wish you good luck.
Steve
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