Q & A Table of Contents
You're Not The Light Of My Life
From: Darla, New Jersey
Question: My neighbor has been shining a 300 watt light on my house (it is his security light). We asked him very nicely to please point the light down so it does not shine in our bedroom window...he said "no" and we ended up calling the zoning officer of our town because it is illegal to shine a light outside your property line. Now my neighbor parks his cars in front of my house out of spite and has pointed his light slightly upward again (sort of testing the limits). What should be my next step? This man is unapproachable and quick tempered.
Response: Let's take a look at this from the last element of your question first. You say your neighbor is quick tempered. You should ask yourself -- if he really gets angry, what can he do? There are non-violent steps he might take in addition to parking cars in front of your house -- loud music late at night, telephone calls at inconvenient hours, even 'mistakenly' dumping trash onto your property. While each of these may give you an opening for calling the zoning officer or even the police, particularly if the neighbor resorts to even more serious behavior, you need to examine whether you have a more attractive alternative to any of those possible outcomes.
At the same time, it could be worth exploring whether there are consequences of his improper behavior which could be troublesome to your neighbor. For example, how would he feel if his 'invasions' of your property were to cost him money? While it sounds as if fighting fire with fire will only lead to escalation, perhaps he is exceeding his legal rights and a lawyer would conclude that the neighbor is attempting to grab an easement which interferes with your property rights.
I am not suggesting that you start a legal battle, but rather that before you take any steps you explore as creatively as possible what kinds of outcomes either party faces from mutually-negative actions. Does this neighbor have good or bad relations with other neighbors? Does any of them have experience solving problems with him?
Next you should explore whether you and your neighbor have any interests in common. Does your neighborhood as a whole face any issues where you might be on the same side: a stop sign needed at a particular intersection, concerns about security, groundwater pollution? If you do have any interests in common, perhaps beginning with those may be a means for breaking the cycle of disagreement.
If your neighbor is indeed concerned about security (thus the light) perhaps you should communicate with him about installing security lights on your own property that complements his light.
Your portrayal of the situation makes it sound as if the problem is entirely one-sided. Frankly, my instinct is that perhaps that is the case. However, conflicts that are viewed as being one-sided, where only one party is the 'bad guy', offer very little leeway to the other side to bring about change. I would not suggest you beg forgiveness, etc. but rather that you remind yourself that solving this problem by escalating will not work out favorably. Think of all the possible reasons your neighbor may be behaving as he has been -- then use those assumptions to develop a series of questions to ask him or people to whom he listens to figure out how 'his issues' can be solved.
He may feel there is some sort of security benefit from a light aimed high. Ask him if he would like to raise the light's aim so it starts at your roofline. Ask him if a light aimed down at the space between his house and yours would also help. Does he have security lights aimed in directions that are away from your house -- towards other neighbors, the street, a back alley? Is the problem he is trying to solve related to his security or his ego: "Nobody tells me what to do with my property. . ."
Make sure that in your communication with him you do not act as if you are his victim. That only invites more trouble. Think about the problems you share, and find ways to solve the problems in ways that don't reflect on you or him.
If you keep in mind a sense of 'what's the worst that can happen?' that will give you a context against which to test your further steps.
Let me know what you think before you take your next steps. Deliberation is an important element in a situation where a fast response may take you in the wrong direction.
Good luck,
Steve
| 
