Q & A Table of Contents
Do Good Negotiation Skills Come From Nature, Nurture, Or Formal Learning?
From: Stephen, Mill Valley, California
Question: I am a self employed environmental consultant (60 years old). My son (28 years old) is making his living as a collectable sports card trader, selling at conventions and online. He feels he is often out-negotiated by more seasoned hagglers, not necessarily card experts but "bargaining" experts. He believes, I think incorrectly, that people with family bred or business trained bargaining skills have an insurmountable advantage.
I am writing to you because of my belief in the power of education, training and guided practice. My wife is Jewish from Brooklyn, sells real estate for a living and bargains for sport with folk art sellers in every country she visits. She says bargaining is in the blood. Even so, I want to believe my son and I can both learn to be better salesmen/negotiators in our respective fields. Which of our interpretations is correct?
Response: You are all correct. Some folks are natural negotiators; just try reasoning with a four-year-old child. In every culture there are beliefs about what sorts of people make the best negotiators. Horse Traders, New Englanders, and Women are just some of the groups that are considered natural-born negotiators in American society — but for every skillful person in those and other groups, there are bunches of their peers who can’t negotiate their way out of a paper bag. It is difficult to imagine there’s a gene for good negotiating.
A lot of negotiation skill is learned in one’s home environment — and one can say the same thing about tastes in food, athletic skills, interest in reading, or artistic talent. Think of the families that produce lots of terrific musicians. Nurture is a major source of an individual’s negotiation style, enthusiasm about the process, and his or her skill. If one’s family has not nurtured strong negotiation skills, it is possible to learn from experience on the job, by watching others, or from the influence of a mentor.
Formal negotiation training is a means for levelling the playing field. People who start off with good skills can enhance their ability through formal study. Folks who start off less sophisticated, less confident, or less competent can bring themselves up to speed if they participate in good seminars, read comprehensible books, and take advantage of every opportunity to analyze and learn from every negotiation lesson they’re offered.
Negotiation is not rocket science; it requires common sense and the capacity to think analytically before negotiation starts as well as during the process. Your wife learned negotiation by being exposed to good negotiators — in her family or as she’s visited the markets of the world. You and your son each have your own negotiation style and skills. Strengthening them through formal learning is not only readily accomplished — it can actually move you past folks whose skills were developed through less formal means.
Good luck,
Steve
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