Q & A Table of Contents
Why Did He Blow Up About His Birthday?
From: May, Ulm, Germany
Question:My husband's birthday is coming up and I'm
planning to have a surprise birthday party for him. The
problem is that he does not want anyone to be here in
our place or have any parties at all. I have earlier on
planned everything and called all his friends. Now I
have to call all of them cancelled it due to his
screaming and freaking out about the party. He knew
about the party cause he forced me into telling him
what is coming up and when I told him about it he blew
up and saying it is "my birthday and i don't wish
anyone here". I'm pretty sad in what he did and I need
an advice what to do.
Response: The situation you describe is not directly an
issue of negotiation; you have acquiesced to your
husband’s demands the birthday party be cancelled.
The real question is what your objectives are in the
future. You probably would be wise to try to learn why
a birthday party — or particularly a surprise party —
causes your husband to be so upset. It might be as
simple — and loving — as only wanting to share his
celebration with you. On the other hand, it could
reflect some more serious issues — and since such
issues might have an impact on your relationship, you
certainly should try to find out what is going on.
Ask questions that are open-ended — that cannot simply
be answered with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Be careful to think
about the best words to use in your questioning
process, the timing of when questions are raised, and
be especially attentive to what your husband’s answers
tell you about himself — and you.
Good luck,
Steve
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