Q & A Table of Contents
Reconciling People After A Civil War
From: Oliver, Pietmaritzburg, South Africa
Question: I am a Liberian student attending college in South Africa. Two years ago, I was in Liberia during the 14 years of civil war. Relatives, brothers and sisters were fighting among themselves. The crisis left 300,00 people dead. I am hoping to return home some day and reconcile those that I know. The war has caused grudges within families. Steve what can I do to reconcile these people?
Response: The bitterness of war’s aftermath can be overwhelming, whether it has been a civil war, an insurgency, or a war between nations. To a certain extent there are some advantages once a civil war has ended; the folks who have been on opposing sides remain in place — and with careful effort it may be possible to help members of divided families or communities recognize the value of focusing on the future.
In negotiation the past has no future. One cannot change what happened; it is virtually impossible to change a person’s view of history, particularly if it has left bitterness or pain in his or her heart. However, efforts to get folks to focus on how they want the future to look may yield indications of potential areas of agreement. For example, virtually everyone wants safe drinking water, a good healthcare system, and a reasonably orderly society in which it is possible to live and work to have a good life.
Undertaking efforts to reach agreement on small portions of those large interests may offer folks who carry grudges against each other a reason to work together — without committing them to become pals. Ideally, working together to achieve mutually-agreed objectives can give people the opportunity to re-recognize one another as human beings, as subjects to be treated with a modicum of respect rather than objects one can ignore or mistreat. Perhaps, down the road, mutual tolerance can result — and ultimately friendship may become possible.
Another step you can take is to look for individuals who are respected by folks from both sides of the conflict. Religious leaders, businesspeople who have a reputation for treating everyone fairly, medical people who have no politics when they deal with patients are all examples of the kind of people who might have the capacity to overcome grudges. Within families, there may be shared interests in pleasing elders — or in developing relationships with people who marry in — or newly-born babies.
Sports and other forms of entertainment can be another approach used within a reasonably-sized community to bring people back together. For example, when forming a football team, don’t let each team represent one of the sides in the civil war. Mix the players together so that each team is its own group — and not a mechanism to continue the conflict vicariously. Similarly, musical groups that include performers from formerly-opposed groups may give folks a chance to act in concert rather than dissonance.
The bottom line is that this issue does not lend itself to grand gestures. One person at a time should be the aim in order to maximize the impact of a peacemaker’s efforts without creating an objective that could be ‘blown away’ if factions develop when the peacemaker tries too hard to accomplish too much too fast.
Waging war takes planning — and requires appalling behavior. Waging peace takes diplomacy, thought, and the capacity to roll with the punches.
I wish you good luck, a steadfast heart, and the capacity to think and act creatively to deal with the situation.
Steve
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