Q & A Table of Contents
She Says "No" Before I Finish My Sentence
From: Joke, Leiden, Netherlands
Question: I am a manager in a facility department. One of the workers is a woman; she leads the IT-section (helpdesk). She is till now being supervised by the director (my boss) and she doesn't want to deal with me in any way. The former person who had my job let this happen.
She is glad with the director as supervisor, because this gives her credit and power with her clients. She is "difficult" in the sense that she is very afraid of anyone dealing with "her" tasks or job. She defends her tasks and her section like a lioness. Everyone who tries to oppose her views is an enemy. And to each new proposal she says (before you have ended your sentence) NO. She is doing her work appropriately, but could achieve more if she was more willing to listen.
I have not decided what to do: if I try to force her to accept my management I don't think I win a lot by doing that; however the director would be glad if I did so. On the other hand, if I don't do anything she will be out of my way. While this could make my life easier, it is no good for the departments as a whole.
Her ways of communicating are repulsive to me: she doesn't listen, she repeats herself, she says no, hides facts from me etc; so I don't like her very much at this moment.
What can I do?
Response: It is unfortunate that your predecessor in your job allowed this situation to develop. I wonder if his/her predecessor did things the same way. It is also unfortunate that your supervisor is willing to allow the situation to remain unchanged; it means your boss is failing to delegate part of your job to you and, as a consequence is both undercutting your authority and reducing the productivity of your department.
You need to take a look at the priorities involved. Are there ways of measuring how this woman's difficult behavior costs the company productivity and therefore money? Can you present this to your boss and ask her/him whether he is satisfied with the situation? If your boss wants to have this woman report directly to him, you should ask the boss to make that a formal decision so that you can say (to yourself at least), "Well, I've finally gotten rid of her."
You should do some homework on the situation: what has been this woman's history in the company? what kind of relationships does she have with other colleagues, with people she supervises, with outside clients/customers/suppliers? is there something in her personal history that makes her so insecure that she feels she must behave like the 'lioness' you describe? in addition to satisfying her ego, what else does she have to gain by maintaining her bad attitude and refusing to be managed by you?
The more you learn about what she finds important, about who she takes seriously, the greater the likelihood you will be able to analyze her behavior and the best way to respond. It may be that as you get to know more about her, there may be some minor areas of agreement upon which you and she can begin to treat each other in a civilized manner.
One critical thing you should do is remember that, at least as you present the situation, every time she drives you crazy she wins and you lose. Whenever you are compelled to deal with her, you should expect extremely bad behavior -- and when she behaves badly you should laugh to yourself, "There, I knew she would do that." If you take that approach, and create an expectation in yourself that she will be a problem, every time she fulfills that prophecy you have won your bet and you can congratulate yourself. For example, you may tell yourself, "When I say 'x,y,z' it will take her 7 seconds to say NO!" Then you can keep an eye on your watch and see how good your prediction is. If it becomes a game to you, that's somewhat less stressful than a constant war.
Ultimately you do need to find a way to restructure the relationship. Unless she is motivated to do so as well, it won't work. After you have done all the homework you can regarding cost/benefit analysis, relationship history, and other relevant facts, you must have an honest conversation with your supervisor. Do not approach the supervisor as a victim of this woman; rather approach the boss as a manager who is looking to his supervisor as a leader who can provide guidance for the good of the department, the company, and the people he or she supervises.
Good luck,
Steve
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