Q & A Table of Contents
Her Petulance Is Disruptive
From: Christy, New Kensington, Pennsylvania
Question: We have a woman in our office who is one of the older women, however, she acts like she is still in high school. If something doesn't go her way or she is shown that she is incorrect, she gives out the silent treatment until she feels that you are "ready" to be talked to again. It causes a lot of tension in the office since it is an ongoing thing with one person or another. You can't tell her that it is immature because she is always right and no one else ever is. What do you do in this situation?? Ignore her all together, sit back and let her do this to everyone, or just ride it out?? Please help!!
Response: The old expression, ‘you can’t teach an old dog new tricks’ sounds like it applies here. There are a number of steps you can take:
The first is to accept that she won’t change and that her purpose on Earth is to behave immaturely. Think of it as a job with a quota; ‘today she’ll misbehave seven times’. Then, if she reaches the goal, you’ve won your bet. If she fails to reach the quota — you win again. And if she exceeds her quota, that means you have to raise your expectations for tomorrow.
Part of what you and your colleagues have to do is take a serious look at how disruptive her behavior is to office productivity. If you can quantify the negative impact, perhaps it is worth discussing with folks in human resources — or folks at a higher level in the company hierarchy. If there is demonstrable data that her behavior is costing the company money/productivity, the decision-makers need to know that.
If office tension is one of her most important impacts, perhaps it would make sense to find ways for the folks she bothers to get together at breaks, after work, or whenever it is appropriate to enjoy themselves without her. Ignoring her, if it does not cut into productivity, can give you the freedom to derive more enjoyment from work.
A more humane approach could be to try to get to know her — interests outside of work, problems she has to deal with (such as family issues, health, financial problems, nasty neighbors, etc.). Figure out whether giving her a chance to air her grievances might help reduce the tension she feels as well as the tension she brings into the workplace. Maybe she needs a friend or confidante. Just treating her as a grumpy old lady demeans her — she may be a complicated or even interesting person. Perhaps her taste in music, books, movies, sports, or whatever can become a common topic. There may be non-work issues that bring her together with at least some of the rest of the group.
Good luck,
Steve
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