Q & A Table of Contents
She Won’t Talk To Me
From: Jane, Las Vegas, Nevada
Question: I just started a new job and have only been there one week. All of the other co-workers speak to me but one of women is a dental hygienist who refuses answer me even when I speak to her. How can I resolve this problem?
Response: If the dental hygienist treats everyone else more courteously than she treats you, you need to ask your co-workers whether there is sort of a ‘breaking-in time’ before she starts communicating with newcomers. Find out whether she is shy or whether she needs to play some sort of ego trip to protect her self-image. If she has a habit of treating newcomers with silence at first, ask your colleagues for advice based on their own situation. You should also ask whether any of them observed anything in your behavior when you first arrived that might have led to the current situation. For example, perhaps the hygienist doesn’t take kindly to folks who call her by her first name without having asked permission.
Take a close look at yourself and try to figure out whether there is anything unique about you that might trigger the silent treatment you are receiving from her. Does she harbor any known prejudices that might lead to the silent treatment you are receiving?
Examine your short- and long-term interests in the relationship. Do you have anything to gain from communicating with her? Do you need information from her, approval from her, or data that she controls? If you have no particular need to deal with her, perhaps you should be polite, but clear in your own mind that she does not exist in your world.
After looking at all of these things, perhaps it would be worth finding an opportunity to be alone with her and ask her straight out what’s going on regarding her communication with her. That can be difficult. To build up to the possibility of asking her a straight question, you should find out whatever you can about things you and she might have in common: taste in music, sports, food, leisure time activities — or even professional issues. That way you could have a topic about which to communicate so that your initiative to break down the stone wall is not just for the joy of hearing her voice.
Think of your interests — why you are concerned. Try to figure out what has driven her decision-making. And, above all, listen.
Good luck,
Steve
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