Q & A Table of Contents
Do I Have To Go Along To Get Along?
From: Christine, Parma, Ohio
Question: I work with a doctor who is arrogant, extremely impatient, and rude. He makes snide remarks and constantly rolls his eyes. I have not worked with him long, but I understand he is like this with all the nurses/techs he works with.
I don't know how to deal with someone like this. It makes me angry that he treats people like this and at the same time makes me feel down. I was told to not let him bother me and to ignore what he does or says. It's like everybody kisses his butt. Please help me.
Response: You need to take a look at your alternatives in this situation. If you tell the doctor that his behavior interferes with the quality of care your group can provide patients, what is the worst he can do? If he can get you fired, how is the job market in your area for someone with your qualifications? Are alternative workplaces more attractive than your current one?
There are several approaches you can take; the most important rule is not to say to this particular doctor - or anyone else you find annoying or difficult -- "You are a bad person." That kind of statement is guaranteed to either escalate the unpleasantness or reduce your ability to influence the troublesome person. Instead you can take the approach of describing your own response to the situation: "When someone says that to me, it undermines my self-confidence and makes me question whether I'm in the right profession, right workplace, working with the right people." Without pointing your finger at the offensive doctor, you are letting him know he is getting to you and that you are considering your alternatives.
Another approach is not to talk about yourself, but rather to ask the doctor questions about his behavior and intentions: "What do you mean by that?" "Why did you just roll your eyes?" "What effect do you hope to have on my job performance when you talk like that?"
Your colleagues who advised you to keep your head down and roll with the punches are enablers - to use a term often employed in analyzing friends or family members of chemical-dependent people. They are enabling the doctor to get away with unacceptable and inappropriate behavior. They have no right to complain about his behavior unless they are willing to make a concerted effort to let him know that the behavior is subverting the quality of the workplace - and, most likely - the quality of their work as well.
You need to inoculate yourself by understanding your BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement) and acting accordingly. You need to decide what steps you can take by yourself. And you need to bring your colleagues into the situation as adults who have a right to be treated with respect - or who deserve no respect because they don't demand it.
One thing your question does not indicate is whether this environment is centered on one particular doctor or whether you are part of a larger organization where work with folks further up the hierarchy might pay off. You should monitor the doctor's behavior towards patients. If he shows them the same lack of respect, that can be harmful to your organization.
People who behave like the doctor you describe are more than likely very insecure in their own self-image. By disrespecting others, they are defending their own vulnerability. Do some research to figure out why the doctor's self-image is so weak. You never know how this information might help you cope with his obnoxiousness - or find a way to get through his defenses to get him to behave like a civilized person.
Good luck,
Steve
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