Q & A Table of Contents
I Rear-ended His Car, But He Stayed Anonymous
From: Maria Ottawa, Canada
Question: I was driving down the street when the car ahead of me suddenly braked, I slammed my brakes but it was a little late and I LIGHTLY bumped into the back bumper of another car-there is NO damage on either car.
The man insisted on taking my insurance information but did not ask for anything else (i.e. license), and he refused to give me his insurance information. As I am a young female I felt quite intimidated by the whole thing, the police were not called and no report was made.
I do not understand what to make of all of this-as I said there was no damage. I live in Canada and he is from the U.S.
Response: It sounds as if there are two different issues here. The simpler one is the issue of the exchange of information. If you kept a record of his license plate number, as well as which US state issued the license plate, it should not be difficult for your insurance agent to find out who owns the car you bumped into. You should ask your agent whether there is any need to file a report with the agent or any law enforcement agency.
The more serious issue is that you felt intimidated because you are a young female. Everyone runs into situations where they have a sudden thought: "Aha! I wish I'd said . . ." after a conversation or confrontation is over.
Your first action should be to face your situation head-on; say "I am a young female -- but I have an obligation to stand up for myself." You can also say, "No other person -- male or female, large or small, is entitled to treat me disrespectfully."
You are lucky that you had an opportunity to reflect on this lesson in a situation where no damage appears to have happened. After this, you should remember to go through a checklist of what to say or do -- or what not to say or do -- when faced by a potentially intimidating person.
In the case of your minor collision, you had an opportunity to negotiate in the simplest form: you could offer to bargain with the other driver: "If you will give me your insurance information (and whatever other information you consider important), then I will reciprocate by providing my information to you."
Think of your confrontations with difficult or intimidating people as an opportunity to trade with them. In this case you might have traded information. In another it may be a matter of trading civil behavior: "If you insist on treating me as a dumb young kid, I am afraid that we have nothing to discuss. If you treat me as you would want to be treated yourself, I would be pleased to reciprocate."
Remember that you have to pay attention to your own interests first; only then will you be able to judge whether your response to another person's demands make sense for you or are contrary to your interests.
Talk to other young women as well as other friends about how they deal with intimidating folks; work to develop a checklist that each of you goes through in your mind when a potentially problematic situation crops up suddenly. If you rehearse how to respond, your response will be far more effective.
Good luck,
Steve
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