Q & A Table of Contents
The 'Neighborhood Nazi'
From: Gert, Waco, Texas
Question: My family and I have just moved to a new neighborhood. We are a newly married couple in our 30's and we have two children from previous relationships ages 5 and 9.
We have lived in our house (that we are renting) for almost three months. Everything has been great until just recently we received an anonymous letter in our mail box calling us "White Trash" and asking us to move back to the "trailer park" that renters are not wanted in the neighborhood. It was a very degrading letter and it was also very unwarranted. It was put in all of the neighbor's mailboxes in a ten house radius.
The house we live in had been abandoned for almost a year, and needs lots of landscaping work. We spread new grass seed and have trimmed trees, edged the yard and have taken care the best we can. We are not going to fully landscape a house that isn't ours. But we have a neighbor located directly beside us that has been obsessed with telling us "How we should" do our yard.
We are pretty sure that he is the letter writer, since before the letter he was "The Nice Neighbor", now his attitude has totally changed. He has abolished our children from playing with his and has made threatening comments toward us.
We have reported all this behavior to the police, and the postal inspector, we directly went door to door and asked if anyone knew who did it, and if they had a problem with us, to let us know.
We even put up Pink Flamingos in our front yard to make fun of whoever was making fun of us. The Pink Flamingos were thrown over our fence while we were out one day. We then called the police and reported it once again. The only person outside that day was the person that we suspect that instigated the threatening letter. He told the police he knew nothing about it. It is very evident he is lying.
We have no idea what to do now.....We all have to live in peace, and especially our children. They are now fearful of going out to play, that this one neighbor may attack them.
This person is obviously the "Neighborhood Nazi" and is not going to rest until we are gone. We are not going to back down and move, we just got here.
How can this be resolved?
Response: It is appalling to hear of such inappropriate behavior by adults, but I am genuinely impressed with your sense of humor regarding the pink flamingos. That takes a lot of self-confidence and shows that you and your husband have a lot of class.
Depending on your resources (space, time, money, and remaining sense of humor) it could make good sense to focus on this situation as dependent on relationships. From the sound of things, you have made your kids' well-being and comfort a priority.
If making the kids' life good is the first issue you want to address, you want to investigate and develop what negotiators call your BATNA, your Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. In this case, you should be looking for other kids for playmates for your children. Inviting other children to your house can be a good ice-breaker. It may be worthwhile to find out what activities or toys are 'hot stuff' in your neighborhood -- and then see whether you can offer that for your kids and their guests to enjoy.
You and your husband should also work on developing relationships with folks who live close by: you may have shared interests in spectator sports (football, baseball, etc.) or in jogging or other activities that are enhanced when shared with others. Perhaps you will find folks with other interests in common with you: church, neighborhood beautification, traffic safety, school issues, etc.
It could make sense to find some 'champions' among your neighbors; folks who treat you with respect who might welcome an invitation to pop over for a cook-out, etc.
It is crucial not to make the nastiness the focus of your conversations or other activities. Don't position yourselves as 'those people someone called White Trash'. Unless you like the pink flamingos, perhaps now that you've demonstrated your good humor it is time to dump them -- and replace them with some nice flowering plants or bushes. If it becomes known that the pink flamingos got in the way of your plans for the yard, it shows that you are contributing to the neighborhood -- rather than simply getting rid of a nasty symbol.
In effect you need to negotiate your way into the community one neighbor at a time. You will certainly find people of good will by taking it easy and not getting rattled at small things. Of course the letter and pink flamingos were not small things -- but if you treat them as such, that is what they will become.
It could be interesting to learn more about the history of the neighborhood and the house where you live. There may be issues from the past that have created bad vibes that you walked into without any warning. Understanding more about them may help you come up with a creative solution.
I wish you luck and satisfaction and the joy of being able to look back on this set of circumstances as something as insignificant as a mosquito bite very soon.
Steve
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