Q & A Table of Contents
My Neighbors Are Making My Home A House Of Horrors
From: Curtis, Memphis, Tennessee
Question: I live in an apartment. My neighbors are somewhat inconsiderate. Here is the scoop:
I consider myself an ordinary Joe. I am your basic quiet respectful neighbor. My neighbor found himself a girlfriend. She brought with her three children. They are noisy at times. I can deal with this.
My problem is that they interrupt my privacy. I like to keep to myself. They like to knock on my door often. They have no jobs. They like to ask me if I can give them money for unimportant things like cigarettes. They have no telephone. They ask if they can use mine often. They have a dog. They like to leave him out on the balcony that overlooks an extremely busy street. The dog barks with consistency. We share a small staircase. They like to leave their 55 gallon trashcan full of stinking, fly attracting garbage there. I have cockroaches. My trashcan has a lid and liner which I empty regularly. We have a dumpster not more than 50 yards away. These people lock their children out often while they are away or drinking.
What am I to do?
Response: The situation you describe is, indeed, terrible. Your first step should be to take a look at the options available to you: Could you move out? Is there anyone in authority regarding the maintenance of apartments (in terms of the trash problem and the dog)? Do you have other neighbors who share your feelings on any of those issues who might side with you if you complain -- to the unpleasant neighbors, the landlord, the police?
You have not indicated whether these unpleasant neighbors -- or their children -- could be threatening to you because of age differences, a tendency to violence, or simply by making things even worse by being noisier, dirtier, or more intrusive. If there have been threats of violence, are there public authorities who might be helpful?
Unsupervised children are also a matter that should be of concern to public authorities. Unfortunately, altogether too often they are underfunded and overworked, and thus hard to depend on to take care of problems that may bother you but might seem trivial compared to other problems they face.
Once you have taken a look at your alternatives, you need to figure out what steps you can take as a matter of self-help: turn off your doorbell so the kids from next door can't bother you, utilize cockroach poison at every possible place where the critters might be able to enter your apartment, bring a short-term 'guest' into your own apartment who might increase your feelings of security.
Having done all this, you need to communicate clearly with your neighbors and their kids. If the neighbors have serious behavioral problems, getting them to agree to be more 'neighborly' will probably be easier than getting them to live up to their agreement.
I wonder whether their kids are more civilized than the parents and whether you can form an alliance with them. For example, you might trade limited phone privileges for their maintenance of a cleaner trash bin. Perhaps you could also let the kids use the phone a certain amount if they walk the dog more often. While it doesn't sound as if you are at all interested in establishing a relationship with the kids -- and it could be quite risky from a number of angles -- if they see you as an ally instead of someone of whom they can take advantage, perhaps they will make life a bit more pleasant for you. Maybe you could help them get a key to their apartment so they're not stuck outside. But again, you need to consider whether the kids' access to their home is likely to make your life any better in the long-term.
Negotiation works best when it is symmetrical; when the negotiating parties are more or less equally motivated and able to work out an agreement. It does not sound as if there is much symmetry between you and the adults next door. The kids may be more promising as folks with whom to negotiate.
On the whole it sounds as if you are facing an out-of-control situation. Escape may be the wisest answer if you can find a way to do so.
I wish you the very best of luck in an ugly situation.
Steve
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