Q & A Table of Contents
Why Are Women Hesitant Negotiators
From: Debbie, Quincy, Massachusetts
Question: Many women (not all), refrain from negotiations in the work place. Why and how can they overcome this fear or hesitancy?
Response: There are many theories and books that examine
many differences between men and women. In the workplace,
historically women have been treated as second-class
citizens for so long that many women have been socialized
to accept low expectations for themselves. Luckily this is
changing — in many professional schools such as law and
medicine, women outnumber men and a growing proportion of
the current female portion of the workforce feels far more
empowered than previous generations.
Nonetheless, in a workplace where men dominate, the odds
are that women (or any other group of people not fully
represented at the decision-making level) will feel less
able to influence members of the dominant group. This can
even hold true in cross-silo decision-making in
corporations; if a company is sales-driven or focused on
cost-cutting, people from other elements of the business
may feel less able to influence decisions. The question of
why women may feel hesitant about standing up for
themselves can have a multiplicity of answers; the real
question is — what can be done about it.
A person who is well-prepared for negotiation will feel far
more confident and be far more competent than someone who
‘shoots from the hip’. We teach folks that preparation
takes work, but that it pays off bigtime. A person (of any
description) should review who all of the potential
stakeholders in a given decision might be — and write that
list of stakeholders on a flipchart, whiteboard, or even a
sheet of paper. Thereafter, it is important to try to
figure out what each stakeholder’s interests are likely to
be — and how to address those interests during the
negotiation process.
Preparing is not a solo activity; colleagues may well have
good ideas or insights to contribute or helpful criticism
to improve the preparation.
One has to accept the idea that not all of the assumptions
you make will be accurate — so a more knowledgeable
colleague might be able to steer you away from an
inaccurate assumption or at least help you develop
questions that will gain you the information you need
without locking you into a perspective that can kill your
strategy if the initial assumption proves inaccurate.
Use this preparation process, which we call The
Negotiator’s Interest Map®, to help you figure out what
information you need to gain from your negotiation
counterpart in order to be able to present him/her with a
solution that responds to both your interests and theirs.
Remember that negotiation is not a competitive sport. You
certainly want to have your interests served — but won’t
get very far if your counterpart walks away from the
negotiation feeling grumpy, unfairly-treated, and unwilling
to fulfill the bargain.
Asking good questions, encouraging others to talk, not only
yields information but also shows an interest in them as
human beings — and even a degree of respect. There’s an
old saying: “Talk to a man about himself and he can listen
for hours.”
Going into negotiation well-prepared can make an enormous
difference in one’s self-esteem and capacity to go forward.
Good luck,
Steve
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