Q & A Table of Contents
Everybody Is Moving But It May Be Bad For Me
From: Eugene Johannesburg, South Africa
Question: I am working as a consultant in the Head Office(Johannesburg). I was given an opportunity to take a new job at a place that is 12 hours drive away(Cape Town). This will be a contract for 2 years.
I will go, but have one small problem. First let me picture the situation. I come from a town about 6 hours drive away. I moved here and bought a house and got my dad's car. I bought stuff for my house and made a lot of new friends I can rely on and have found a wonderful girlfriend. For the first time in my life I feel at home with my girlfriend and her parents. She will be going to Canada in February for 10 months(which is eating me up) and suddenly now I also have to move.
WHAT MUST I DO? Should both she and I go away? Should I stay? Should she stay? How can I negotiate myself out of this?
Response: If your girlfriend's plans to visit Canada were made before you met, if her reasons for going are not (by themselves) threatening to your relationship, and if she is committed to returning to South Africa in ten months, I would not be too worried about the risk to your relationship. Are you prepared to formalize the relationship by making plans to get married? If you have plans like that, it will be indicative to both of you of your long-term expectations. However, deciding to take a step like getting engaged just because of a planned time apart is extremely risky. Personal relationships should not be forced by outside circumstances; they need to develop on their own.
Taking the job in Cape Town for two years should not be a serious problem; if you have made good friends in Johannesburg and keep in touch with them, exchange visits, and perhaps take holidays together you should be able to maintain the relationships. In addition, from your description of your situation, you are good at making friends and should be able to make new friends during your assignment in Cape Town. Perhaps your Johannesburg friends know good folks in Cape Town that you will enjoy meeting.
You need to understand your own priorities: career, romantic relationship, friendships, attachments to a given locality, and distance from your family need to be considered as you make your decisions. Throwing away an opportunity for the wrong reasons can be a mistake you might regret for a long time.
Figure out which of your interests is most important. Act on those priorities. The odds are you will make the right choices.
Good luck,
Steve
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